Behind Closed Doors
by DinozzoFan
Summary: 16. Hikarisailorcat and DiNozzoFan DF, Many secrets lie behind the closed doors of Hogwarts. Join Harry and find out about many couples, Humor LAst chapter written by DF, so blame her!
1. Chapter 1

Day One

Harry was walking down the corridor in the dungeons, on his way to his detention with Snape. As he was walking, thinking about what Snape will do to him for hexing Malfoy in the corridor.

Suddenly he saw a familiar lock of golden hair, through a small window of a near by classroom. He stopped and decided to investigate.

As he approached the window, the golden lock of hair moved away. To get a better look, Harry pressed his face against the window. What he saw was something he would never forget!

Draco Malfoy was passionately kissing a blonde fifth year Ravenclaw girl, who was about five inches shorter than Malfoy. She was starting to unbutton Malfoy's green cloak, though their lips didn't part, it was as if she had done it many times before. Harry knew this girl, as she was a friend of Ginny's. Ginny had told him that her name was Leah and she was apparently really nice and was quite popular amongst her peers.

Harry moved away, and quickly scurried to his detention, not wanting to see more than he already had.

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When Harry approached Snape's office for his detention, he heard some rattling inside, the noise ceased when he knocked. Snape didn't answered the door for a few minutes, but when he did, he looked flushed and puffed out. This was extremely unusual for Snape, who was always calm, collected an in control.

"Your detention is cancelled, Potter." Snape snared.

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Because I have other things to do with my time, then spend it with arrogant teenagers like you, POTTER," Snape replied.

"Like what?" Harry asked innocently.

"None of your business Potter. Now get out of my face!" Snape snapped angrily.

Harry heard something move in the room and leaned over to get a better look. This was very unfortunate, for at that moment, Professor Sprout fell out of the potions cupboard half dressed. She was only wearing a bra and a short skirt. Harry nearly fainted. This was not the sort of thing you like to see at your detention.

Snape blushed a bright scarlet, and quickly slammed the door in Harry's face, hitting his nose.

Harry rubbed his nose and made his way back to Gryffindor tower, being careful not to look into any classrooms.

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Hey! Thanx for reading the first chapter of BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!

Love Hikarisaliorcat and DiNozzoFan


	2. Chapter 2

Day two

It was just after breakfast and Harry had told Ron that he would meet him at the Quidditch pitch, after he told Hermione where they would be for the next few hours. Ron agreed and went up to their common room to get ready.

Harry made his way around the school, looking everywhere for Hermione, when he suddenly remembered that Hermione said she was going to see Professor Flitwick about the essay she was doing. When he got to the charms room, he opened the door and found the most horrible sight ever! He saw Hermione kneeling down over the tiny professor, their mouths touching.

When Hermione noticed Harry in the door way, she became a bit flustered, thinking that Harry thought something happened, that didn't happen.

"Harry, it's not what you think." Hermione said, and Flitwick sat up, breathing heavily, Hermione's lipstick on his mouth.

"Uh… I just came to tell you that Ron and I are going down to the Quidditch pitch. Bye." Harry said quickly, making his way out of the room.

Harry got down to the Quidditch pitch in no time, but he couldn't find Ron. He thought that he might be in the change rooms, so he made his way there.

When he opened the door, he got the shock of his life! There, standing in the middle of the room, was Ron and Pansy Parkinson pashing! Harry quickly took a step back and left the change rooms.

'What is with everyone today? I would have never expected this! Where can I go to be safe,' Harry thought. Then he saw some smoke from near the forest. Hagrid! 'Good no more Malfoy and Leah, Snape and Sprout, Hermione and Flitwick or Ron and Pansy.'

He ran the whole way to Hagrid's hut and knocked loudly on the door, but nobody opened the big door. So he walked around to the back door, which was unlocked and let himself in. He heard someone snoring when he closed the door behind himself. Hagrid must have over slept; he'd better go wake him.

Harry tip toed through the house only to wish he'd never gone through the back door. One the ground of the main room was Hagrid, Trelawney, a huge fur blanket covering them (thankfully) and many empty sherry bottles. He gave a high pitch squeal and ran out the same door he came in. Horrified.

He decided to head back to the Gryffindor common room, taking many short cuts only he, Hermione and the Weasley's knew.

He was nearly at the end of the corridor when a large and a small person came in that very end and started kissing. The little person jumped up and pretty much sat on the bigger persons belly still kissing the bigger person. Harry was disgusted and knew he'd regret it, but he kept walking anyway to get a closer look at the people. Ginny! Crabbe! If this wasn't bad enough another large figure came into the corridor and started kissing Ginny as well. Goyle.

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Eww threesome! Ginny-Crabbe-Goyle! Gross!

Sorry if we now gave you some mental illness, see a shrink if necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey readers thanks for reviewing, here it is the final chapter. How many of you feel sorry for Harry yet?

Hikarisailorcat and DiNozzoFan

Here's a quick review a friend wrote,

ok if sprout and Snape weren't bad enough u do Hermione and Flitwick, u made me scream at Ron and Pansy, made me fall off my chair at Hagrid and Trelawney (at least they were drunk), and then u add insult to injury with Ginny, Crabbe and Goyle, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, u have a troubled mind a very troubled mind. u need help and u should get it fast before u harm me anymore.

From a deeply scared Jacqueline.

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Chapter 3

After seeing Ginny, Crabbe and Goyle, Harry sprinted the whole way to the library. He went down to the very back and sat down in the corner, alone, well at least for now. After he had sat there for a few minutes his breathing became normal, little did he know he'd be panting again in a few minutes. Luna fell out of nowhere, with a guy on top of her with long black hair. Neither the guy who was now kissing Luna, or Luna saw Harry sitting a few inches away, eyes wide in horror.

This was not the Luna Harry had know, this Luna was very different. For one she was making out on the floor in the library, with some guy Harry had never seen before and two she wasn't wearing any weird jewellery.

Harry tried to make a quick exit, but accidentally kicked the guy in the ribs. The guy let out an extremely high-pitched scream and looked at Harry. This made Harry scream, for the guy wasn't a guy, but he was actually a girl. It was his ex-girlfriend Cho Chang.

He ran down to the dungeons, as nobody he knew would be down there, to his horror he was wrong. He was shoved hardly against the wall as Malfoy ran past with a bed sheet wrapped around his waist for clothes, being chased by two girls. The first Leah, who was yelling and screaming after him and secondly by a blond Slytherin girl that Harry didn't know, but she looked to be the same age as Leah.

Leah screamed out, "Do you love Sim?"

Malfoy stopped running and turned around so now he was near Harry and the two girls, "No, of course not."

"You realise what I just caught you doing with Sim, right?" Leah demanded, while the other girl stood quietly two feet away.

"Oh Sim, yeah well that was just physically, I really like you," he pleaded.

"Promise," Leah whispered.

"I promise," he told her.

Leah leapt up in the air and kissed her boyfriend again and again. She ran back the way she came from, Malfoy hot on her tail.

Harry stood there with the girl, Sim, who was still wearing the sheet for robes, in shock for a few minutes.

Malfoy came around the corner again, this time not wearing any sheet. Harry raised his eyes, half impressed, half jealous of Malfoy's package. Malfoy grabbed Sim's arm.

"Leah said you could come too!" He told her, and with that Sim dropped her towel and chased after him, sausage and melons bouncing along the way.

Harry scrambled out of there, (well he'd just seen his first naked chick and a naked Malfoy) and ran all the way to the room of requirements, so he could be alone. He walked past the currently invisible door three times thinking.

"_I need to go somewhere where nobody can find me."_

"_I need to go somewhere where nobody can find me."_

"_I need to go somewhere where nobody can find me."_

The door appeared and he opened it. Inside was Professor Dumbledore (wearing only a pair of pants), leaning on top of Professor McGonagall, who was only wearing her under clothes. Robes scattered on the floor around them.

Dumbledore saw him standing in the door way and said, "Harry, can you come see me later, I'm busy right now."

"Yes Harry, run along," McGonagall added.

Harry did just that. He ran and ran and ran until he was safely in his bed in the Gryffindor tower. He was hiding under the blankets for the rest of the day.

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Sorry to all he received mental issues.

Beta: Jacqueline Thanks heaps


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